February 2012
1 post
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January 2012
2 posts
5 tags
Curious Accounting Discrepancies
As we’re wheeling a trauma patient to the CT scanner:
Patient: You guys find the money in my boot? Doctor: Yeah, we found it and will keep it safe for you. Patient: All $500,000 of it?
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Probably Should Round to One Centimeter
In a patient who suffered a gunshot wound and underwent laparotomy with organ repair:
“Doctor, how big were the wounds inside?”
“About 9mm, sir.”
December 2011
7 posts
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“I just lol’ed so hard I almost roffled my waffles.”
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“If time is money,
Are ATMs time machines?
Your mind has been blown.”
– Anonymous insight in Haiku format
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November 2011
30 posts
6 tags
The Strategic Delay
I recently called my primary care physician’s office to follow up on my lab results. The nurse who answered the phone asked if I would hold while she grabbed my chart. After a few minutes of waiting, I heard a distinctive click and the call disconnected. When I immediately called back, their phone had been turned off and they’d closed for the day.
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“Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in your...”
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This is version 2.0 of my Steel Piano ringtone. I...
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“Wow man, nice brown scrubs! Never seen that color before. Really accentuates how...”
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Giving Thanks
This year I am thankful for my loving family, my scruffy banana dog, all the great friends I have made during residency, and last but not least, the fact that only 30 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, and 37 minutes remain until PGY2 status.
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The Following
I now have ten followers! Thank you all for subscribing to Practically Sorcery!
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Common Courtesy
Today I noticed someone fail to wash his hands after using the restroom. He did, however, grab a paper towel to touch the doorknob on the way out.
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Somewhere between the Fifth and Sixth Circles
As we ascended the escalator to the Kohl’s shoe department, I wittily noted the irony of traveling upwards to arrive at Hell.
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“Life is just a series of goblins trying to run across your pasture and penetrate...”
– @Elliya
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Creative Student Loan Solutions
One of our residents, Ted, filled out a death certificate and accidentally put his own name at the top. The attending just added “RIP Teddy.”
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“Got in a fight about the Treaty of Versailles. I said the German fines were too...”
– Conan O’Brien
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It's Like You Know Me
Today, I mistyped “nom” and autocorrect had my back.
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“Today, I went into the hospital for knee surgery. When I awoke, I was surprised...”
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Do Not Be Alarmed, This is Just a Drill™
What I don’t understand is the need for scheduled Code Red drills when the fire alarm already goes off three times a day. Oh yeah, and all the blast doors are online and fully functional too.
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The Nexus of Endocrinology and Psychiatry
When discussing diabetes earlier, I meant to say “psychogenic polydipsia” and accidentally came out with “polygenic psychodipsia.” I would assume that the latter is just on the extreme end of the disease spectrum, somewhere between “drinking like a fish” and “all-out water-guzzling frenzy.”
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“Ok, well as long as you hold onto your safety line that you tied off to the sane...”
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Gecko Bot Rolls Up Walls! →
With the power of Van der Waals and everything!
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Texas A&M Center Confronts Antibiotic Crisis with... →
This is the type of technology that needs to have a serious emergency shut-off valve. Considering the potential for viral shedding and an unexpected mutation that decreases bacterial selectivity, I could see this being responsible for a widespread bacterial apocalypse.
And you know what is going to happen then? The fungus is going to take over.
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Mollusc Anatomy 101: The Clam-Bone
There’s nothing quite as disconcerting as finding a bone in the hospital clam chowder soup.
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October 2011
16 posts
4 tags
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Charitable Studmuffin
As my wife is slicing a loaf of bread:
Me: Hook me up with a generous hunk.
Lovely wife: So you want a stud that donates to charity?
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Don't Call My Name
I went to the bank and was assisted by a friendly individual by the name of Alejandro. Amidst the silence of the nonexistent early afternoon banking traffic, he quietly assisted me on the computer. It was at that time that I caught myself starting to hum Lady Gaga.
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New Look and Feel, Same Chocolatey Center →
I decided that I wanted to create my own Tumblr theme, so I spent the last leg of my vacation relearning the HTML necessary to bring my plans to fruition. I haven’t done any programming since high school, and it’s very apparent that things have changed in the interim (hello cascading style sheets).
Aside from feeling quite old now, I’ve got my code to the point that I am...
6 tags
Late Night Surgery Call
Resident: "Anything good in the ED?"
Me: "Just an infected bug bite."
Resident: "Boring."
Me: "I cured him with lightsaber cauterization, though. I'm going to write a case report."
Resident: "Can't wait for endolightsabers. Those gallbladders won't stand a chance."
Me: "We shall call them endosabers."
Resident: "Haha! Yes we will! Bssssheeewww. Off with the appy!"
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