Practically Sorcery

This door is not currently functioning. Do not attempt to open...

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:32:40 -0800

This door is not currently functioning. Do not attempt to open this door.

Curious Accounting Discrepancies

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:17:15 -0800

As we’re wheeling a trauma patient to the CT scanner:

Patient: You guys find the money in my boot?
Doctor: Yeah, we found it and will keep it safe for you.
Patient: All $500,000 of it?

Probably Should Round to One Centimeter

Sat, 14 Jan 2012 15:31:35 -0800

In a patient who suffered a gunshot wound and underwent laparotomy with organ repair:

“Doctor, how big were the wounds inside?”
“About 9mm, sir.”

Christmas Eve dinner was Olive Garden on the beach at dusk,...

Sun, 25 Dec 2011 17:47:16 -0800

Christmas Eve dinner was Olive Garden on the beach at dusk, followed by a romantic evening wrapped in a blanket watching the waves and ocean birds with my girl.

A man and his wiener dog enjoying the ocean breeze.

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 21:48:13 -0800

A man and his wiener dog enjoying the ocean breeze.

"I just lol’ed so hard I almost roffled my waffles."

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 21:40:49 -0800

“I just lol’ed so hard I almost roffled my waffles.”

"If time is money, Are ATMs time machines? Your mind has been blown."

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 08:21:33 -0800

“If time is money,
Are ATMs time machines?
Your mind has been blown.”

- Anonymous insight in Haiku format

Party Time Hexcellent asked: ‎”A squirming hydra for...

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:49:00 -0800

Party Time Hexcellent asked:

‎”A squirming hydra for medical and laboratory use.” OK, tell me straight up—what medical use does this animated GIF have? Will this be applied to my skin or used to diagnose me? NEED ANSWER ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Practically Sorcery response:

While the diagnostic use of the hydra GIF is limited, its therapeutic potential is ubiquitous amongst medical subspecialties.

The starfish-like regenerative physiology of the hydra allows for accelerated wound healing when applied topically or injected.

The aggressive deep-clean scrubbing action of the ciliated head is able to sterilize wounds of difficult polyresistant bacterial organisms.

Hydra extract is known to be synergistic with probiotic therapy and can reduce flatulence and normalize bowel movements.

Phase I clinical trials are currently underway for possible silver bullet applications in oncology.

Common off-label uses include dental hygiene, earwax extraction, and colon cleansing.

Also an excellent source of protein.

The contemporary male chastity belt. Comes with...

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 11:11:45 -0800

The contemporary male chastity belt. Comes with collector’s edition tin.

And also because we’re getting sick of having to replace...

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 16:27:24 -0800

And also because we’re getting sick of having to replace the damn nozzle.

The Strategic Delay

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 09:18:20 -0800

I recently called my primary care physician’s office to follow up on my lab results. The nurse who answered the phone asked if I would hold while she grabbed my chart. After a few minutes of waiting, I heard a distinctive click and the call disconnected. When I immediately called back, their phone had been turned off and they’d closed for the day.

Also see section on cutlery genetics and important breeding...

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 07:48:34 -0800

Also see section on cutlery genetics and important breeding considerations.

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in your fruit salad."

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 07:41:27 -0800

“Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in your fruit salad.”

This is version 2.0 of my Steel Piano ringtone. I found myself...

Sun, 27 Nov 2011 16:04:04 -0800

This is version 2.0 of my Steel Piano ringtone. I found myself answering the phone before the music could reach the interesting piano melody at 0:06, so now it will begin within the first second.

You’re gonna need a bigger boat.

Fri, 25 Nov 2011 20:46:09 -0800

You’re gonna need a bigger boat.

"Wow man, nice brown scrubs! Never seen that color before. Really accentuates how pale you are..."

Thu, 24 Nov 2011 13:19:46 -0800

“Wow man, nice brown scrubs! Never seen that color before. Really accentuates how pale you are though.”

Giving Thanks

Thu, 24 Nov 2011 09:28:47 -0800

This year I am thankful for my loving family, my scruffy banana dog, all the great friends I have made during residency, and last but not least, the fact that only 30 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, and 37 minutes remain until PGY2 status.

The Following

Thu, 24 Nov 2011 09:10:21 -0800

I now have ten followers! Thank you all for subscribing to Practically Sorcery!

This is exactly how any respectable emergency lever should...

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 17:35:01 -0800

This is exactly how any respectable emergency lever should appear.

However, this is a misleading apparatus. I can understand a situation that may necessitate quick release of a security gate, but in some emergencies activating this device could lead to certain peril. For example, when the ravenous stampeding zombie horde is closing in on your position, you’d better pass on this guy and reach for the “electrify now” button.

Common Courtesy

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 13:54:47 -0800

Today I noticed someone fail to wash his hands after using the restroom. He did, however, grab a paper towel to touch the doorknob on the way out.